Chris Essay 23

May 17, 2010

Hamilton Salsich

English

This I Believe:

An Essay on My Beliefs

(TS) Many people have many different beliefs about things, and these beliefs cause them to live their lives in specific ways. (CM) For instance, a person who believes in peace may live their life in a way that is against all violence. (CM) Although I do not practice my beliefs this strongly, the things I believe in still influence my life greatly. (CS) My beliefs affect what I do, who I interact with, what I say; my beliefs affect who I am. (Purposeful repetition)

(TS) Beliefs are keys to life, and they affect who we are as people. These are the beliefs that I have. (SD) Firstly, I believe in peace. (CM) If you look at the world around us, things that run smoothly, are things that are peaceful. For example, peaceful countries have stable economies, steadfast (thesaurus) people, and positive global relations. (CM) Also, peace is something you need in everyday life. If everybody was fighting with each other, nothing would get done. (SD) Secondly, I believe in friendship. (CM) Without friends, no one to talk to or hang out with, life would be rather boring. (CM) Also, My friends are always there for me; they are there to talk to me, and help me, and I have no idea what I would do without them. (SD) Thirdly, I believe in happiness. (CM) Without happiness, going through daily life would be doleful (thesaurus). (CM) Happiness is great; it outweighs sadness no matter what. Even if I am going through tough times, if I remember the happy times, I feel much better. (CS) Finally, I believe that all of these things put together, are part of the key to life. If you examine them closely you see that to have friendship you need peace, and to have happiness, you need friendship.

(Note to Mr. Salsich: You mentioned that I should add more to my supporting details. While I agree with this in most situations, I believe this essay is more powerful when the beliefs are stated simply in a few number of words.)

(TS) Everyone looks at the world differently, so you must never denounce (thesaurus) someone for their beliefs, or let others’ beliefs influence you. (CM) Listen to others’ beliefs and opinions, but don’t let them affect you. Be free to believe what you want to believe. (CM) Also, do not criticize others. Just because they don’t have the same beliefs as you, it doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

Self Assessment

The hardest part of this essay for me was fitting all of my beliefs into one paragraph.

(Mr. Salsich, if you used this theme with future classes perhaps you could make it 2 body paragraphs.) The biggest difference between my first and second drafts is my body paragraph. I wrote my original body paragraph rather simplistically, but I added a lot and made it much better writing in the second draft. However, I think writing the first draft very simplistic helped me. Instead of focusing on the words I was using, I focused on the grammar, and for me it is easier to have proper grammar, and add the words later. I believe the strongest part of this essay is the body paragraphs concluding sentence. It shows that that my beliefs all go together to help me in life. Overall, I would give myself a B+ or A- on this essay.