Chris Essay 6
10/21/09
Mr. Salsich
English
Feather:
Two Colors, Two Personalities, One Person
(TS) The first moment that I saw the feather in class, with its two contrasting colors and the many stems, I instantly knew this was more than a feather; it was my life. (CM)The black and white represent two different personalities of the same person. (CM) Also, a feather has many stems, many difficulties, just like my life. (Thesis) There are many ways that the feather relates to chapter seven in Two Kill a Mockingbird, as well as my own life.
(TS) Two colors, two personalities, one person. (Anaphora) (SD) Like the bright cheerful white part of the feather, one of Jem’s moods is happy and talkative. (CM) Jem was very talkative with Scout about the items they found in the tree hole. (CM) Jem was also in a good mood when he was learning about Egyptians and was happy to re-lay his knowledge to Scout. (SD) However, like the black part of the feather, Jem also has a deeper, more reserved personality. (CM) When Jem found the pants folded on the fence and completely mended, he went into a quiet reserved state and thought to himself. (CM) After Mr. Radley had plugged the tree hole to, “prevent the tree from rotting,” Jem stood outside and thought about it for a long time. (SD) Jem’s contrasting personalities sometimes intersect, and blend together, just like on the feather. (CM) After he had thought about the pants for a while, he was still quiet and thinking, but he was beginning to talk to Scout and itching to tell her about it. (CM) Even though Jem has two very different personalities, most of the time he is in the blended part of them, a little of each. (CS) Without the two contrasting personalities, Jem would be an incomplete person; half a feather.
(TS) A feather is made up of a large center stem, from which many smaller stems extend, and this can be related to my own life in many ways. (SD) The middle stem is my life, and out of this stem erupt many difficulties that I may face. (CM) For instance, there are little things like lots of homework, or my friend being mad at me that I must deal with. (CM) However, there are also many larger problems like a loved one dying. (SD) In life, I have also encountered many happy moments. (CM) Spending time with friends is one of those happy moments in my life. (CM) I also believe that my past Christmases are happy moments in my life. Waking up and opening presents, and being surrounded by my family is amazing, and I will remember those memories forever. (SD) Also, when you drop the feather, it spins slowly, falling to the ground. (CM) It does not spin fast and fall to the ground at high speeds, it does not slowly drift to the ground taking an eternity, it falls at the perfect speed, not slow and boring, or fast and reckless (Anaphora). This is how life should flow, slow yet steady. (CS) Sad memories and happy memories weave together to create the feather of our lives. It is these contrasting memories help to balance our lives, allowing them to flow along at a perfect pace.
(TS) A feather can be related to someone’s’ life in many ways. (CM) The black and white blended together into one feather, are like Jem’s contrasting personalities blended seamlessly together into one person. (CM) Also, the feather has many small stems, just like I have many difficulties in my own life; however these difficulties make me who I am; they keep my flying. (CS) These contrasting personalities, these difficulties, they weave together perfectly to create magnificent feathers that make each and every one of us special.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
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Chris,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you started off your paragraphs with an anaphora. It is interesting and grabbed my attention.
Remember to cite your quote so that people know where it came from.
Also, in your second paragraph, you used from in the 3 beginning sentences. If you switch that up a little bit, the paragraph would flow really well
Good job!
Chris, this could become your best essay of the year! I admire a lot of what I see here. However, there are some little mistakes here and there, the kind I've pointed out on your earlier essays. Work very hard to correct all of them.
ReplyDeleteGOOD LUCK.
Chris,
ReplyDeleteYour first anaphora is really well written, and i liked how you used as it as an opener to a paragraph. Although, in your second opener, i would try to make it one sentence. Also, in your 2nd closer sentence, you write, "it are" which should be "it is".
Chris-
ReplyDeleteI like how your essay is easy to understand and so it could grab even a child's attention.
Remember to watch for comma splices like in your first CS.
Also in your 2nd paragraph 2nd SD first CM, i dont think you need a comma after "homework"
Good Job!